An Important, Definitive Ranking of the Hottest Disney Princes

Staffers uniformly rated Li Shang their number one, with such rave reviews as "YUP" and "DANG." One admitted that this "character contributed to my sexual awakening." It's easy to see why, with his muscular physique, tasteful man-bun, and eventual acceptance of Mulan's badassery, making him among the least misogynist of a group for whom that bar is set pretty low.

Though he is on the younger side, fans encourage you to "look at those pecs." This "damn fine" prince may wind up rich, but his street smarts are the real draw. While some "don't understand why he was constantly wearing only a vest," others don't take points off for his sartorial choices. After all, "he can't afford more than half a shirt."

Sights of this prince (before he turns into a frog) prompted the questions "Do Disney characters have phone numbers or Slack?" His "Jaw. Line." is enough to make you swoon, and his Mumford & Sons look is actually accurate for the time period, so way hotter than some hipster trying to pull it off now. All in all, "Fire emojis."

While adult Simba's angst turns some off, others say "Simba is the original thot." He's sensitive, playful, and his insect-only diet shows he cares about alternative protein sources. He's also not afraid to let a woman take charge, and as one staffer put it, "his smirk gives me feelings."

"So much swagger." Robin Hood is the "hipster" prince, with his merry #squad and a mind for pranks. He may be "too jaunty" and "scrawny" for some (who prefer the "heft" of his friend Little John), but overall he's about as charming as they come.

Though he's a bit old-fashioned, Philip gets points for his "cape-wearing abilities." He's the type of man that would make one staffer "pretend like I thought he was an asshole but be secretly sad he never hit on me." That may be because of his patriarchal vibe, but many "would be happy to be a ...feather in his cap."

"KING OF THE SEA. AND MY HEART." raves one fan of this controversial pick. While the film presents Prince Eric as the obvious vessel for one's affections, Triton's luxurious hair, protruding abs, and seat of power entice. Some will never get over "literally the most huge nipples," but King Triton isn't here for the haters.

Tarzan won't give you much intellectual stimulation, but he is "literally zero percent body fat. 100% hottie." Some compare his angular face to Adrien Brody, and while his hair may be "problematic," he earns praise for being able to commune with animals. If nothing else, just focus on his "OMG ABS."

Don't think a buck can be hot? You're in good company with those who say this list is "starting to get weird." But we can't deny that The Great Prince of the Forest is "very, very, very, very hot," with his dignified manners and his honest attempts at parenting.

A milquetoast prince pick, Prince Eric "is the nice guy from work who wears great shirts." He "doesn't seem very bright," but staffers "still would" for the most part. Then again, "Prince Eric literally values a woman for being beautiful and silent," so he's not the most progressive of the bunch.

The Beast raises a lot of questions about the nature of attraction. If the timeline of the film is to be believed, the Beast was cursed into this form when he was a child, punished for not letting a strange witch into his house (which seems like a smart move if you're a child home alone). Because of that, staffers believe "a wealthy child who couldn't be bothered to learn how to read until he was a full lion is going to have some real issues in adulthood." Still, better than the boring white dude he turns into.

While he may have "#hairgoals," Hercules is a total bro, which turns many off. He "looks like a guy who would contour in abs," and while he's half-god, he will definitely always bring that up to show off. Points for his sweet ride (a pegasus).

An unlikely choice, Bagheera surprises with his wisdom and protective nature. "Gotta say this is doing it for me," said one of his relaxed smirk. Could his charm be calculated, though? Some suspect he is the "PUA of the Disney world," so it may pay to be cautious.

"I want to miserably live my life alongside these two forever." This grumpy pair has no time for petty concerns, and would rather spend their time focusing on what they believe are life's true purposes: family and writing catchy songs. Their passions are noble, but may drive you crazy.

Tom may actually be the PUA of the Disney world. Though he's capable of getting his priorities in order, he reminds one staffer too much of someone "I actually went out with" to fully get our support.

Snow White's beau "looks like a three-year-old seeing snow for the first time," though that may just be 1937's animation techniques talking. He shows little personality or fashion sense, and we're left believing that Snow White would have had much more fun if she spent her life with the dwarfs. However, his femme looks do appeal to some. "Any man who looks this much like Liza Minnelli makes my heart do jazz hands."

A tough call, Bernard is "a Martin Freeman character, if you're into Martin Freeman." What he lacks in conventional hotness he makes up for in strength and selflessness. However, he is quite superstitious, and some can't quite deal with that baggage.

One word: "Nah." This colonizer not only pushes euro-centric societal standards on a native population, but "blond guys and long hair don't mix unless they're Australian and/or a surfer." His "He-Man" looks don't appeal, and though he learns an important lesson about the color of the wind, we'd rather he do it back in Europe.

These "nipple-less" creatures look like a fun ride, but too much is wrong to really get excited. The "smudging at the V-region makes this feel especially awkward," and their smooth chests made us feel "scared." Ultimately, we begged that these creatures "please stop."

"Why is only one of them wearing pants?"